A baby screeches, arches her back and waves her little fists indignantly. Her mother is ignoring her, and she will do anything to get her mom to reconnect.
A young woman glares at her significant other, not understanding why he seems so remote, so uncaring. She nags, she screams, finally she breaks down in tears. She desperately wants him to respond.
Is there any connection between these two scenarios?
Absolutely. As relationship experts Sue Johnson and Ed Tronick explain in this wonderful YouTube video:
Patterns of distress are very much the same, regardless of age. One person is asking for closeness. The other fails to respond. And trouble ensues.
So many of us are not aware of this dance, this pattern in which we get stuck.
In the words of Sue Johnson: We can, with the help of science, understand love and loving. And what we understand we can, with delicious deliberation, shape.
Enjoy the video, and try to think about the dances and patterns that trip you up.