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Be kind to yourself — blaming, shaming and criticizing never help

Be kind to yourself

When Grace entered individual therapy as an adult, she told me a story that dated back to her first day of kindergarten: She had felt terrified that morning. The classroom was so big. The teacher was so stern. Grace’s mother understood and tried to offer comfort. But already the teacher...

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Don’t let betrayal poison your marriage


Julie and Eric were just work friends, but they started eating lunch together in the office cafeteria. Julie loved talking to Eric. He was a great listener, and he gave her excellent work advice, too.  Over time, Julie started comparing Eric to her own husband, Paul, who didn’t seem nearly...

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Do you trust the one you love? 


Few couples would dream of saying they don’t trust each other. And yet, it’s the No. 1 issue I see in my office. Most arguments, at their core, are about trust. It sounds like this: Can I trust you to choose me over your mother? Can I trust you to...

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Let’s rethink the dances and patterns that trip us up


A baby screeches, arches her back and waves her little fists indignantly. Her mother is ignoring her, and she will do anything to get her mom to reconnect. A young woman glares at her significant other, not understanding why he seems so remote, so uncaring. She nags, she screams, finally she breaks...

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When New Year’s resolutions take a tumble, remember three little words


Most of us start the New Year with the hope of making changes — to exercise regularly, lose weight, be more productive, be closer to the ones we love, etc. These resolutions usually last for few days or maybe few weeks before they are forgotten. Have yours been forgotten already?...

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What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness


What keeps us happy and healthy as we go through life? If you think it’s fame and money, you’re not alone but, according to psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, you’re mistaken. As the director of a 75-year-long study on adult development, Waldinger has unprecedented access to data on true happiness and satisfaction....

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Try something new this holiday season

holiday season

There is no better place for me to find inspiration than in my office, where I have the privilege of listening to my clients. This time of year, the common conversation threads have to do with the holidays and having too much, yet not enough. What is too much this...

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Forgiving others is the gift you give yourself

Forgiving others

If I were to ask my readers to raise their hands if they have ever found themselves NOT on speaking terms with a friend, a relative, a sibling or an ex, I bet a high percentage would wave their hands. Unfortunately it is common to feel betrayed, hurt or violated...

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Ready to end the same tired, dead-end fights? It may not be as hard as you think.

When I meet with new couples, they usually know the topics that trigger arguments: In-laws. Money. Kids. Housework. What they don’t know is why  both parties get hurt time and time again.   I often hear men say: “I don’t want to say how I feel because I know it will upset...

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The New Frontier of Sex and Intimacy by Dr Sue Johnson

Sex and Intimacy

Instead of reading my blog this month, I hope you’ll watch the TED Talk on sex and intimacy by my mentor and friend, Dr. Sue Johnson. But before you reach for your earbuds, here are some points that she makes that may surprise, intrigue or simply confirm some of your long-held...

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